HARROGATE
Confidential
EMAIL NEWSLETTER
August
Chelsea Tractors in Harrogate and the lack of them
Has anybody else noticed the distinct lack of large cars in Harrogate at the moment? Is it because residents have actually realised that their choice of car is actually effecting the planet? Or is it because they can’t afford them anymore?
How many Bottle blondes can you get at one party?
41! Yes, we went to a party last weekend about 100 guests, about 60 of which were ladies and 41 of them had identical hair colour out of the same bottle! Nice.
Diamond lady falls foul of the Scene!
Known locally as the Ring Collector a certain lady about town is now on the shelf and finding it hard to keep friends let alone a boyf! Let this be a warning to all of us, nicking your best friends fella is hard to forgive especially when you’ve done it three times.
Harrogate Uncovered what’s it all about?
A new group on Facebook called Harrogate Uncovered is threatening to Uncover the goings on in Harrogate!! That’ll be hard, as in this town if you fart at the end of Cold Bath Rd, someone is already talking about in Hotel du Vin within 5 minutes!
July 2008
Which lad about town is getting married?
So who is this gent who’s tying the knot? It surely cannot be true? This hard drinking, party animal has been tamed! No we must be talking about someone else. No we are not, but he started the rumour to see how long it took to get around town and back to him.
Amy Winehouse’s manager Buys a motor in town
Yes Amy’s manager has just bought a second hand motor in town, apparently he wants it to run around in the country.
Who’s Skint and pretending they aren’t!
Most people in town!!
Who been caught shopping in Aldi?
Nevermind who’s been caught they are buildingone in Knaresborough!! Bet you though, that people will still go to the Leeds one to avoid embarrassment.
We ask the question
‘Why are so many people riding push bikes in town?’ Is because of the cost of petrol? or is it because so many people have been done for drink driving? It’s the latter!!
DJ seen in another venue
Which DJ in town has been spotted in a closed venue? Is he going allow? We’ve heard rumours of closing down and all sorts...... we could tell but that would be gossiping.
Art pieces to be left around town
A local artist is leaving over £2000 of art around town for people to find and keep........ so keep your eyes open. It’s to promote a new exhibition of Urban Artists read more
June 2008
Who’s Not Paying Their Bills?
Which local nightspot has been upsetting people in town by not paying their bills? Well, according to our source, they have upset one person so much that they have been defacing the companies adverts in copies of a local magazine, with comments about their lack of payment. Oh, well, it was only one or two copies of the magazine. Ah, no, it’s all over quite a few copies actually. Going by the amount of people who’ve called us, I’d say a good few copies!
Restaurants Looking for Staff
Immigration Enforcement Officers raided several restaurants in town last month. Taking staff away in vans.... So if you are a chef and know your foreign cuisine, then get over to Harrogate, there’s a few jobs going. If you have the right working permit, that is!
Graffiti problem gets Police on their Bikes.
Vandals have hit town, tagging their names all over the place. Police Officers in town, using their initiative used YouTube to highlight the problem and made a short film about the menace in Harrogate. Unfortunately it wasn’t the graffiti that caught everyones attention oh no, it was the Coppers Legs. Next time Officer, I suggest, wearing long trousers! See it for yourself Here.
Bar staff or Highway men?
Which Bar in Town, is getting a bad name for itself for being too expensive? Now, we know the cost of everything is going up, but £8.90 for a SMALL glass of wine and a pint of lager, is going too far. We overheard one customer ask staff ‘Where’s your Mask?, you bloody Highwaymen!!’
May 2008
Sofa Surfing
Which lad about town woke up on the sofa of a respectable hotel at 8am? Anyone else would have been thrown out for their behaviour, but this cheeky chap, was woken with a coffee and told that breakfast was now being served!! Oh, did I miss out that the sofa was in reception!
Miss Harrogay
How come at the Miss Harrogate competition one of the judges was gay! Now not saying that Gay guys can’t appreciate the female form, but come on, this is a sexist competition, based purely on womens figures, shouldn’t the role of judge have been given to a dirty old letch to keep with tradition.
The Birds
Picture the scene, one Harrogate lady on vacation in Spain, enters into a very expensive jewelry store to have a browse. After several minutes being looked up and down, said women leaves the shop in a huff, saying the staff were staring at her and being rude..... as she is describing the scene to her partner, she looks down to discover that her right leg is covered in bird shit! No wonder the staff were staring, she was in shorts and it was all over her bare leg!
Apologies
We reported in the March issue that there was a certain 29 year old male in town who is dating a 73 year old! Apparently, we were wrong, she is 76 years old. So please accept our apologies for such sloppy reporting.
Grafitti Art comes to Town
We’ve heard that there is to be an Urban art exhibition coming to town. September is the date that we’ve heard about, it’s all being kept hush hush at the mo. So watch this space for more information.
New Club Nights
A new saucy club night is looking for couples to have their photos taken naked, yes we said naked to promote a new sexy night at Club Katana. If you are a bit of an exhibitionist, then contact us and we will hand on your details.
April 2008
Little Gift for the Wife
Who has been having an affair? Who has not only been having an affair, but has caught a little nasty infection? Which he’s given to his missus? Now that behaviour deserves a round of applause .... or should that be just a little clap!!
Club Promoter Spills the Beans
Which club promoter decided to share his true feelings about his clientele last week? Overheard in a drinking establishment this week saying that the people who go to his events are and we quote ‘ the brainless members of the social circles of town, who are more bothered about their handbags label that a good conversation’, oh come on, has it taken you that long to realise that some of the residents of this town are a little money oriented
Chino Latino
We’ve been hearing some mixed reports about this Leeds Restaurant. One saying that they would never return as the food was so bad. So beware, sometimes paying an expensive bill, doesn’t always mean good food and service.
Hotel, Motel, Dirty Night Out
Which Fashion shop owner has a private cheap deal going with a certain Harrogate hotel, for those naughty nights playing away?
Singer Song Writer
Which lovely Harrogate, Lady claims she is about to release a single, with a major record label? Don’t know, No neither do we, as when we rang the Record Label in question, Nobody had heard of her!!
Porn Star Studio
Harrogate is famous for many things, The Baths, The Stray, Betty’s Tea Room, the healing waters...... but Porn Studios! Yes, that right Harrogate has not one, not two or even three, but Four Pornographic photography studios. One with bales of Hay in it, how original.
March 2008
Foodies of Harrogate ...... You Know Nothing.
Which good restaurants in Harrogate are sadly up for sale! Why, because the residents of Harrogate prefer the meals to mass produced rather than cooked to order. Should these 2 close theirs doors, this will bring the total to 3! Now come on Harrogate, sort it out. If we continue at this rate, you’ll struggle to get a take out never mind a sit down meal.
Sugar Daddy.... I don’t think so!
Which Harrogate Gent, has registered himself with SugarDaddy.com. An online dating site, where wealthy men, can meet cash hungry women. Things can’t be going well, if you can’t find a lovely lady in this town, when your loaded!! Perhaps not that loaded...as if he were the ladies of HG1 & 2 would have sniffed him out. P.S. If you are going to lie about things don’t do it on a website and erm.....use your real name.
Footballers (and we use the term loosely) on the dance floor?
Which footballers from a nearby city club came to town last week to show off their fancy footwork on the dance floor? Well, if their dancing is anything to go by, no wonder they are in division 4!!
Text Sex Girlfriend
Who has been playing a cruel trick on his mate, by pretending to be a girl and texting his mate with saucy text messages?
Sex with the Ex
Who admitted to still seeing his ex last week, even though she has married his best mate?
73 years young!
You can draw you own conclusion to this one. Who is the 29 year old who is dating.....yes I said dating a 73 year old? You all know him, he’s good at plastering that’s all we’re prepared to say.
Monday Night is the New Saturday
Anyone who is in the know, knows that the really weekend starts on a Monday night. Well, anyone who was in Banyan last week know, Monday was a good one. Were you there? Do you have pictures?
Hangover Wednesday
Well I presume you have all hear the term Suicide Tuesdays. No well, apparently this is the side effects to a heavy weekend of partying, many people don’t suffer the after effects the next day but 2 days later hence Suicide Tuesdays. Here in Harrogate we don’t have that anymore, no, we just have mid week hangovers. Ask any fashion boutique owner and you’ll find out all about it.
Feb 2008
Parents, Teachers, booze and one big ball!
So the normals of this town recently had a school ball to raise money for their little babies posh school. Sadly the well educated, are not well educated enough, to now when to stop. Stop what?.....Stop drinking and stop flirting with the man who isn’t your husband!
Yes, there were a lot of embarrassed people on Sunday, who will be trying to think of any reason not to be on the school run on Monday morning.
Late New Year News
Who was it that has been getting sympathy around town for his broken leg? Yes, a certain gent has been getting great support from his family and friends, due to his predicament, but he has been telling porky pies....... yes, once again we bring you the truth. He did not break his leg falling off his bike, no he was the worst for wear and to impress a little lady he decided to do some gymnastics and walked along a wall edge. Considering himself to be a bit of an athlete, he attempted a double back flip dismount. The word attempted is the most important word of the last sentence...... the rest is history or should it be hospital! Happy New Year.
Singing Restrictions
Which muso is having to sell his house due to complaints from neighbours? Yes, a well know (professional) singer who has been living in town for a year is now looking to move as their neighbours cannot stand his singing any longer.
Linton Girls let down the Village.
There was a time when Linton was the home to footballers, wealthy businessmen or women and their families. A quiet, respectable little place which was always pleasant to visit. So who are the 2 loud mouthed young ladies who frequented Hotel du Vin and Banyan last Sunday. Claiming that they are loaded because they come from Linton? Why would people be bothered, but more importantly why get violent with people when they don’t wish to enter a conversation with you as you are blind drunk and downright rude, boring and ......... oh grow up.
Jamie Oliver Restaurant
Apparently, Jamie Oliver is opening a restaurant on Parliament Street. Now, I’ve heard this from 3 different people, some of which are in the Restaurant game....... still doesn’t mean it’s true. Do you know? Let us know.
Plumber I don’t think so.
Which local footballer pretends to be a plumber when he’s out and about in town?
Fashionista loses it
Which local fashion stylist turned up to an event wearing a lovely white dress and oh erm black knickers? Not only that, but she spent the night telling other ladies how to improve there dress sense! Sounds a bit like Trinny and Boobanna to me......
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